


i guess we can't all be heroes (even though you're mine)

by sentientaltype



Category: Survivor (US TV) RPF
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/F, One Shot, also they're gay i'm sorry i don't make the rules, i am obsessed with this show and these women so it had to be done, okay i know no one reads or writes survivor fan fiction BUT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:13:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22655302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentientaltype/pseuds/sentientaltype
Summary: "The winner of 'Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains...' Sandra!"In which Parvati makes it to the end and can't seal the deal, and Amanda is there to pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Parvati Shallow & Amanda Kimmel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	i guess we can't all be heroes (even though you're mine)

**Author's Note:**

> i can't (can) believe this is the first thing i'm posting in like, two years, but Survivor is my newest and truest love, so expect to see more of this stuff. these ladies own me. hope you enjoy. 
> 
> [the characters in this story are real people and the events are a work of fiction. i respect their respective lives, this was just a bit of fun.]

_“The winner of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains… Sandra.”_

The finale room erupts in cheers, and Parvati is sitting still as the jury and finalists stand up and the crowds of people move about the stage, feeling a million times heavier than she really is. 

She forces herself to unfreeze. 

Parvati stands to hug Sandra, to congratulate her. _I lost._ Sandra moves away from her and suddenly Russell is in her space, cursing and blubbering about what he did wrong, how he could do this a second time in a row. _I mean, I knew Russell would lose. But I lost?_

Doing a gracious side-step, Parvati rushes over to Jeff’s side of the stage when she feels a hand on her shoulder. 

“Are you okay?”

Amanda. 

Parvati turns, looks up at her on-again off-again friend. Deep into hazel-green eyes that are staring her down, her brows arched in concern.

“Yes.” _No._ Parvati draws in a deep breath. “Sandra deserves it.” _But I deserve it more._ “She was a true hero in the end.” _And I’m just a hopeless villain._

“Parv, you’re crying…” Amanda trails off, lifting a thumb to brush away a tear.

“I’m fine,” she sniffles and wipes her eyes. They jump at the tell-tale bell signifying 30 seconds until going back on air, and Parvati shrinks away from Amanda’s hand on her shoulder. 

“Come find me after?” Amanda asks, eyes pleading. _Why would she want me to come find her? What could she possibly have to say?_

“I don’t know, okay?” Parvati huffs, trying to control her frustration, growing small under Amanda’s piercing eyes.“I just… I need to get through this. Fuck, I thought I had this.” 

She can feel Amanda’s piteous gaze, boring into her skull like over-emotional lazer beams. Without another word, she turns away from Amanda and makes her way to her new seat, second to the right. 

Next to Sandra. 

Next to Russell. 

Way too far from Danielle and Jerri, people who support her. 

( _Way_ too close to Amanda, who occupies the seat directly behind her. Parvati tries not to flinch at the inadvertent touches on her back as Amanda sits down.)

She slumps into her seat and quickly finds herself talking to Sandra, smiling and spewing out appropriate responses with no real thought. 

This, Parvati decides, is the best strategy. She puts up a wall between what she’s saying and what she’s feeling, blocking out any emotional response. Soon enough, they’re on air and Jeff is talking to Sandra and then he’s talking to Parvati and she’s smiling and nodding and being charming as ever. It comes so naturally for her, even when she feels like she’s underwater and can’t _really_ breathe or understand a word anyone says. 

Parvati knows she’ll be breaking down at some point. _Probably tonight._ She’s holding it together, but her cheeks are starting to hurt and she can feel Danielle and Candace (and Amanda) staring at her with concern during commercial breaks. _This needs to end._ Back on live. _Russell needs to stop talking._ Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Jeff announces the show’s next season and they go to break for the clip. _I need to get out of here._

Thinking is becoming singular, the same things looping over and over. _I need to get out of here. I’m just a hopeless villain. What do I do now?_

But then Jeff is talking about bidding on props from the season and saying goodnight and people around her are standing up and _oh, thank God it’s over_. Parvati stands and says a few necessary goodbyes before she ducks backstage to collect her things. 

She’s rushing down a back hallway, heels clicking on the tile floor as she enters the green room and grabs her purse. Parvati slings it over her shoulder and heads into the hall again, her sights set on the back door of the studio. 

“Parvati!” A voice calls from down the hall, behind her, but she doesn’t look. _Amanda._

Parvati keeps walking, a little faster now. _I need to get out of here._

“Parv, stop, please,” Amanda calls. _No._

She charges forward.

“Hey!” A hand wraps around Parvati’s wrist, forcing her to stop and turn to face the woman. 

“What do you want from me?” Parvati spits, tone harsh and biting. Amanda recoils, releasing her grip on Parvati’s wrist and taking a step back. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Amanda says. “I know how it feels, to be where you are.”

“No, you don’t!” Parvati yells. “You don’t know how it feels to have people look at you like you’re scum. Like you’re just a dirty old villain when Sandra’s the true hero who saved the day. I’m just Russell’s bitch who couldn’t get rid of him.”

“You’re not a villain, Parvati,” Amanda replies quietly.

“Yes, I am,” Parvati cries, “the entire country thinks I am.” Parvati feels her resolve slipping, anger dissolving and morphing into sadness and self-loathing, the uttermost hatred for herself and her own game.

“Well, I don’t.” 

That’s all it takes for Parvati to crumble, sliding down the wall until her head leans against her knees. Amanda follows moments later, situating herself next to Parvati with one arm around her shoulders, drawing the crying woman into her side. 

“I’m so s-stupid,” Parvati sobs. “I let Russell outplay me and I c-couldn’t even get r-rid of him. God, what was I th-thinking? Sandra didn’t even p-play. I handed her the m-million.”

Amanda says nothing, just holds the older woman tightly as she continues to cry.

Parvati picks her head up and drops it against the wall over and over again, the dull throb taking away some of the emotional pain settled deep inside her. _I failed. I’m a failure._

“Parv,” Amanda says as she slides her free hand behind Parvati’s head, cradling the woman’s skull in her palm to keep her from giving herself a concussion. 

The game appears before Parvati in flashes as she continues to sob uncontrollably. Aligning with Russell. Getting saved by him. Finding idols. J.T.’s blindside. Immunity challenges. Taking off her blindfold to find Russell standing inches away wearing the immunity necklace. Final Tribal Council. But instead of seeing the success, of seeing the happiness upon winning challenges and finding idols, all Parvati sees are the things she couldn’t do. 

She sees the five votes for Sandra. _One vote. That’s all it would’ve taken._

She sees Russell wearing the necklace, after she’d been so close to winning the challenge. _I could have gotten him at four. But I’m just a hopeless villain._

“Let’s get out of here,” Amanda says gently, breaking Parvati out of her trance. “Come on, I drove here, let me take you home.” Amanda shifts so that she’s crouched in front of Parvati, their knees touching as Amanda reaches out for the older woman’s hands. 

Parvati takes both of Amanda’s hands in hers and lets herself be pulled into a standing position, and even then, Amanda doesn’t let go. 

(Nothing has ever felt more right to Parvati than Amanda’s fingers laced with hers. Even on what may be the worst night of her life, Parvati feels that same spark as their skin touches.)

(But she’s crying and hurting and very close to broken, so there’s no time to think about how Amanda makes her feel.)

“I don’t w-wanna go home,” Parvati chokes out and Amanda begins to lead her towards the exit that she strived for earlier, before Amanda stopped her. 

(Before Amanda _saved_ her.)

“Okay,” Amanda pauses to think. “Come to my place then.”

Parvati freezes. _Why is she being so nice to me?_

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Parvati asks with a sniffle, frowning when she feels Amanda let go of her hand.

“I- Because I care about you,” Amanda replies easily. “Even if you disagree, I do know how it feels to lose _Survivor_. I’ve done it twice, and both times I wished I had someone to help me through it.” Parvati feels a pang of guilt, knowing she was the reason for Amanda’s second heartbreaking loss. “So just… let me take care of you, okay?”

Parvati can feel the sincerity of Amanda’s words so she simply nods and follows the younger woman to the door, continuing to trail behind her in the parking lot until Amanda comes to a stop in front of a fancy dark green Jeep.

“This is yours?” Parvati asks. She never imagined her friend and _Micronesia_ ally driving such a bulky and expensive car. 

“Yeah,” Amanda says as she unlocks the vehicle and opens the passenger side door for Parvati. “I finally dipped into my runner-up money. A million is a million, even if I didn’t get it all at once, you know?”

Parvati doesn’t know. She can’t imagine being satisfied with two trips to Final Tribal and two failed attempts at winning the game. But she and Amanda are not the same. This season proved that. 

Parvati climbs in, slumping back into the seat as Amanda gets in and starts the car before pulling out of her parking space. 

The car is silent, save for the quiet sounds of a 70s radio station. Parvati has nothing to say, she just wants to curl up in a ball and die, or sleep for a while at least, but she knows there will be no escaping once they arrive at Amanda’s house. For now, though, Parvati is stuck doing the math in her own mind. Whose vote would she have needed, what could she have done differently. 

“Try not to think about it too much,” Amanda breaks the silence, as if she can read Parvati’s mind. 

“Easier said than done,” Parvati shrugs. She turns to watch Amanda, who has one hand on the wheel and the other rapping against the center console as she drives. 

“I know.”

It’s only when the highway signs begin to read West Hollywood and Santa Monica that Parvati realizes they’ve gone past the exits for Amanda’s Beverly Hills home. 

“Where are we going?” Parvati asks, anxiety bubbling in her stomach, but Amanda just smiles, a toothy grin that makes Parvati’s heart leap into her throat. 

“You’ll see.”

***

They drive past Santa Monica pier until Amanda pulls into a beach lot further north. Parvati gets out of the car upon the younger woman’s direction, following her down the path and out to the beach.

Even in the darkness, Parvati can make out the pier a ways down the beach, beyond miles of sand and rocky inlets. She follows Amanda to a nearby rockpile, sitting gingerly on the edge of the same boulder as the other woman. 

“What are we doing here?”

“I just wanted you to see something that tonight doesn’t change,” Amanda explains. “Win or lose, this beach is still the same. The world will still turn tomorrow, Parvati, even though you lost.”

“The world will still turn and everyone on it will still hate me,” Parvati defends, refusing to see the silver lining Amanda is working so hard to highlight. 

(Deep down, she knows Amanda is right. She always is.)

“You know, if I had had a good time playing, I might feel differently right now,” Parvati says. She decides not to think too much and to just _speak._ “Maybe I wouldn’t care about the end result because I had a great journey. But I didn’t. I spent the game fighting with Russell like an old married couple that should’ve gotten divorced a long time ago.”

“It’s not like you had many other options,” Amanda adds.

“No, I didn’t,” Parvati agrees, leaning down to trace a finger through the loose sand. “I didn’t have anyone on my side, not really. That’s a lonely way to play.”

“I know,” Amanda says. 

“I needed you,” Parvati says quietly, turning to look Amanda in the eyes, “but you weren’t there.” The moonlight strikes Amanda’s sharp jaw in such a way that Parvati feels her stomach turning, doing somersaults and flopping around like a dead fish. Hazel eyes shine with water as a single tear rolls down Amanda’s cheek. 

“I know.” Amanda draws in a breath. “I should have been there for you.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Parvati shakes her head. “You were screwed at the merge. If anything, I should have convinced you to jump ship.”

Now Parvati’s kicking herself for _another_ thing she didn’t do. _How different the game could have been if I’d had Amanda._

“But it’s too late now,” Parvati stops herself before she spirals. “Now I’m just a manipulative villain, just like Jeff said.” She laughs. “I guess we can’t all be heroes.” 

Parvati’s gaze is trained on the ground, following her finger as it traces lines through the sand, until she feels a hand on her shoulder. 

“You’re my hero, Parvati.” 

Parvati’s head turns on a dime and it hits her all at once. 

The lingering touches in the shelter. The stolen looks as they washed clothes or cooked together. The smiles and giggles after both Ozzy and James were gone. The final two breakfast. Every moment they’ve ever shared is suddenly inflated tenfold in Parvati’s mind, and what seemed innocent once is now charged with intrigue and affection and lust and _oh, shit, am I in love with Amanda Kimmel?_

Parvati is staring at the younger woman, studying her face before she realizes it’s getting closer and closer to hers and then there’s a hand on her cheek and lips touching hers and they’re kissing and Parvati didn’t know how much she needed this until right now. 

Their lips move slowly but with fervor, Amanda’s hand sliding back to rest against Parvati’s neck as the older woman lifts a hand to slide gently into Amanda’s hair. Parvati feels her lips parting to let Amanda take control but the kiss is over all too soon, the younger woman pulling away and leaving Parvati breathless and thoroughly confused. 

“I’m sorry,” Amanda stands up and takes a few steps forward, her back to Parvati as she stares out at the ocean. “You’re in a vulnerable state and I took advantage of that.”

“I… No,” Parvati tries, quickly growing frustrated with Amanda’s refusal to face her. She stands up as well, stepping up close to Amanda before continuing. “I’m vulnerable, yes, but you… You’re not taking advantage of that. I don’t know where to go from here, but I know that tonight… I want you.” Parvati knows she’s taking a risk, knows that maybe Amanda just wants a hook-up, knows she might be setting herself up for two heartbreaks in one day. 

But then Amanda is kissing her again, harder this time, teeth pulling at Parvati’s bottom lip before she soothes it with her tongue. It’s as though Parvati is sitting in the ocean, letting wave after wave crash over her as she lays unmoving in the sand. 

(She’s been struck by a towering tsunami named Amanda.)

The kiss isn’t slow or romantic or gentle but Parvati can’t imagine it being any different, all lips and teeth and tongue as Amanda settles both hands on Parvati’s waist. Parvati finds herself fighting for control in what soon becomes a futile attempt, as Amanda towers over her and prods her tongue against Parvati’s with ease. 

A strong gust of wind finally breaks them apart, both women panting with swollen lips as the cool night air strikes their bare skin and raises goosebumps. 

“Should we get out of here?” Parvati asks, voice devoid of innuendo. The idea of being in Amanda’s bed having her dress slipped off is enough to make Parvati’s throat run dry. Amanda simply nods before grabbing Parvati’s hand and practically dragging her back to the jeep. 

Parvati wastes no time pushing Amanda against the back door of her car and eagerly connecting their lips, like a starving woman tasting candy for the first time who suddenly can’t get enough. It wouldn’t take much for Amanda to push her off, but the taller woman settles for slowing the pace of their lips until they’re both smiling too much to keep going. 

Parvati reluctantly gets in the car, fingers touching her lips, unable to fathom what has happened to her tonight. _I didn’t win the game and now Amanda and I are… something?_ Parvati keeps glancing over at Amanda, whose hand is resting on the center console once again, and the older woman can’t stop thinking about how easy it would be to grab Amanda’s hand and interlace their fingers. 

Before she can make a move, though, Amanda’s hand is moving to rest halfway up Parvati’s thigh and _yeah, that’s way better._

They don’t talk during the fifteen minute drive, sharing stolen glances that say more than words ever could. Amanda’s hand on Parvati’s thigh is starting to work her up, along with those hazel eyes that kept her up at night in Micronesia staring her down like she’s about to be Amanda’s last meal. 

As they pull into the driveway of Amanda’s house, which Parvati has visited only a couple of times, the _Micronesia_ winner finds herself close to overheating, all kinds of tension pent up between them. Amanda removes her hand to turn the key in the ignition and Parvati can’t take it anymore, lunging across the console to crash their lips together in a hurried kiss.

Parvati is seconds away from climbing into Amanda’s lap when the taller woman breaks the kiss, smirking as she removes the key and turns the lights off before getting out of the Jeep. Parvati rushes to unbuckle her seatbelt and exits the car, a few paces behind Amanda as they walk up to the blue front door.

In a flash, Parvati finds herself backed up against the door with Amanda’s lips on her neck, kissing and sucking the pale flesh as Parvati’s hands fly up to tangle in long brown locks. Parvati is pretty confident that there will be dark hickeys all over her by the end of the night. Amanda is already taking her time, slowly moving up and down Parvati’s neck and it’s driving her insane. 

Finally, Amanda backs up and slides her house key in the door, slipping past Parvati to get inside. She makes it about two steps in before Parvati is kissing her again, addicted to the taste of strawberry lip gloss and peppermint, chasing a high Parvati knows she’ll never recover from. 

She can feel the heat pooling between her legs as Amanda’s hands slide down her torso to grab Parvati’s ass, making her groan. 

“Are you sure about this?” Amanda whispers against Parvati’s lips.

“God, yes, please just-” Parvati whines but is cut off by Amanda’s hands gripping her thighs and lifting her up. Parvati’s legs wrap around Amanda’s waist as the taller woman walks them to the kitchen before setting Parvati down on the kitchen counter. 

“Fuck,” Parvati says as Amanda slides her dress up and bunches it up at the waist, leaving soft kisses on Parvati’s neck as she searches blindly for the zipper. Parvati pulls the dress off after Amanda unzips it, sitting still for a moment as Amanda’s eyes rake over her newly exposed body.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before,” Parvati jokes when she sees Amanda’s jaw hanging open as her pupils dilate. 

“I know, but…” Amanda trails off. “Never like this.”

Parvati has to smile because _she’s so fucking cute_ , even though what was once a dull ache has since developed into a full-blown throb in her center. She can’t get over how desperate she is, resisting the urge to wrap her legs around Amanda’s waist to keep her close.

“For fuck’s sake, Amanda, I need-” Parvati huffs before Amanda cuts her off again.

“Hey, what happened to letting me take care of you?” Amanda asks with a smirk, slowly stepping towards Parvati and sliding both hands along the tops of Parvati’s thighs. Amanda leans in to capture Parvati’s lips within her own, setting a slow pace as slender hands glide along Parvati’s torso, touching every inch of her before slowly unclipping Parvati’s bra.

Parvati can’t help but moan when Amanda cups her breasts, expertly rolling a nipple between her fingers as her mouth continues its assault on Parvati’s neck. Amanda’s lips slowly migrate to her chest, kissing along Parvati’s breasts before taking a strained nub into her mouth.

Head thrown back in pleasure, Parvati is lost in the sensations of Amanda’s lips around her nipple and biting lightly before soothing the pain. The flicks of Amanda’s tongue are rhythmic, even when she moves to the neglected breast, teasing and sucking until both peaks are stiff and reddened. 

Amanda steps back and easily drops to her knees, eye level with Parvati’s dripping center, her hands gently prying Parvati’s legs apart.

Parvati is no stranger to sex, not even with women, but something about Amanda Kimmel on her knees ready to devour her is making Parvati bashful.

“Hey,” Amanda says. “We can stop if you want.”

“No, no,” Parvati rushes, blushing under Amanda’s gaze. “I just got nervous all of a sudden, I don’t know why.”

“It’s okay, it’s just me, Parv,” Amanda smiles her winning smile, leaving a few feathery kisses along Parvati’s inner thigh. “Let me make you feel good.”

It’s in this moment, Amanda on her knees looking up at Parvati like she hung the moon and the stars, that Parvati feels every doubt she’s ever had in herself fall away. Every failure and every loss, especially tonight’s, is erased from her mind as Amanda slides her soaked panties down her legs, leaving Parvati completely exposed.

Amanda wastes no time before diving in, swiping her tongue through dripping folds and flicking lightly against Parvati’s clit.

“Oh, fuck,” Parvati moans loudly at the first touch before she feels Amanda’s tongue teasing her entrance over and over, bringing her thumb up to rub slow circles on Parvati’s clit before sliding her tongue inside. Parvati tangles a hand in Amanda’s hair, holding the younger woman’s mouth against her center, bucking her hips up. She likes to think she’s had good oral before, but Amanda’s mouth on her compares to nothing Parvati has ever experienced.

“Shhh,” Amanda says and snakes both hands around Parvati’s thighs to press her hips down, holding her in place as she curls her tongue in just the right way, sending a shiver down Parvati’s spine. Amanda drinks her up diligently, sucking on Parvati’s clit while she slides two fingers into tight wet heat. 

Parvati’s eyes roll back in her head as she pants and moans, pressure building higher and higher in her stomach as the hand not in Amanda’s hair flies up to clutch at her own breast. She’s crying out _oh my God, fuck, it feels so good don’t fucking stop_ over and over until she feels the onslaught of an impending orgasm, which Amanda must sense because she replaces her fingers with her tongue again, curling into her and pressing a thumb against Parvati’s clit, sending her barreling over the edge. 

“Oh fuck, oh my God, Amanda,” Parvati cries out as Amanda continues to clean her up, slowing her pace before starting to speed up again until Parvati is coming all over again, white spots dancing behind closed eyes. 

“Look at me,” Amanda commands with an insistent push of her fingers. 

Parvati’s eyes fly open and she’s greeted with the most beautiful visual: Amanda, still on her knees, face covered in Parvati’s slick from multiple orgasms. The demanding edge to Amanda’s voice only gets Parvati hotter. 

“Jesus, you’re gonna make me come again,” Parvati curses, trying and failing to buck her hips into Amanda’s hand.

“Good,” Amanda replies and pumps her fingers faster until Parvati’s third and strongest orgasm hits her like a freight train, leaving her panting and sensitive under Amanda’s touch. 

Amanda doesn’t ease up immediately, only letting up when Parvati pushes insistently at her head, whining and writing under the younger woman’s ministrations. 

Smiling widely, Amanda stands and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand before Parvati tugs her closer by her dress and connects their lips, tasting herself on Amanda’s tongue. 

“Upstairs?” Parvati asks, breathless. 

“Upstairs.”

***

Head draped on Amanda’s chest, Parvati’s eyes flutter closed at the feeling of soft kisses along her wrists, soothing the skin where it had been bound to the bedposts. 

Amanda’s free hand is in her hair, ever-so-gentle and calming as she lightly scratches Parvati’s scalp. 

As Amanda holds her, Parvati feels her shattered heart—battered and beaten by the amazing highs and crushing lows of _Survivor_ —be slowly glued together again, as though Amanda is sitting on her knees putting Parvati back together by hand, every touch and every kiss bringing her a little closer to healing. Parvati has never been this soft, but she has to accept that she’s complete putty in Amanda’s hands, at the mercy of her touch. All she can think about is _Amanda, Amanda, Amanda,_ the game and her devastating loss nowhere near the front of her mind. 

Parvati is completely worn out, only seconds away from sleep, when she feels Amanda let go of her arm and set it back down by Parvati’s side. Parvati shifts, turning to lay on her stomach, and the visual of Amanda smiling down at her twists her heart like it’s being wrung out.

“I meant what I said, you know,” Amanda mumbles after a long silence. “About you being my hero.”

Parvati is at a loss for words. Suddenly she’s wondering how all these feelings went unnoticed for so long, because the mere inches of space between Parvati and Amanda are charged with sexual tension and unresolved feelings, so much so that Parvati knows there is no way she’ll be getting over this anytime soon. 

“And I know it’s not fair of me to say this right now, but… God, sometimes I hate how much I love you.” 

Parvati freezes. _She loves me?_

“What?”

“I had _such_ a crush when I watched _Cook Islands_ ,” Amanda reveals. “So when we ended up on the Favorites tribe together I was beyond excited. But there was James.”

“And Ozzy,” Parvati reminds. “Who you were dating by the end of the season.”

“Only because I knew I had no chance with you,” Amanda replies with a shake of her head, “and it was safer for us to be with them at first. But I never would have chosen Ozzy if you’d shown me anything more than platonicism.”

Parvati feels oddly guilty, that her confusion wasted time they could have spent together. Back in Micronesia, Parvati knew she felt _something_ for Amanda, but the older woman chalked it up to a desperate attraction, since Amanda was one of the hottest people on the island.

(But she’d had the hots for Natalie, too, and James, and neither one of them make her chest tighten the way Amanda does with just one look.)

“You don’t have to say anything, I just…” Amanda trails off, eyes downcast, suddenly shy. “For me, it’s always been you. You’re the reason everyone I’ve been with feels like settling for less. Ozzy hates you even more now, knowing that you’re basically the reason I couldn’t commit to him. But I’m done settling. I love you, Parvati, like _love_ love you, and if I can’t have you, then I don’t want anyone.”

Parvati pushes herself up with one arm, leaning in to connect their lips in a slow, languid kiss, unhurried and passionate and Earth-shattering enough to make Parvati feel like she’s flying.

“I love you. So fucking much,” Parvati whispers as she hides her face in Amanda’s neck. “And you’re my hero too, by the way.”

***

A few days after the reunion and her night with Amanda (which turned into an entire extra day and night), Parvati heads to an indie coffee shop to meet up with Natalie. She gets her cappuccino and selects a two-person table by the window, sitting down and waiting patiently for her best friend. They remained close after _Micronesia_ , starting out as a fling that naturally fizzled out into a lasting friendship.

It’s not long before Parvati spots Natalie as she enters the coffee shop, waving at her and nodding at Natalie’s gesturing towards the cash register. Parvati watches the woman order and wait, noting the way she leans confidently against the bar and gives the young barista a wink to make him blush as he hands her the drink. 

“Okay, give me a hug, jeez,” Natalie says as she approaches the table and sets her coffee down. 

Parvati stands and immediately crushes Natalie in a hug, leaning her head against Natalie’s shoulder as the older woman strokes her back comfortingly. 

“I’m sorry about HvV,” Natalie says as they separate, sitting back down. “I know how much you wanted to win, and for the record, you totally deserved it.”

“Thanks,” Parvati replies with a smile. Natalie has always been supportive of her, and Parvati is thankful that she’s made such close bonds as a result of _Survivor._ “But it’s okay. I was upset at first, but now I’m okay.” Parvati hasn’t been able to wipe the smile off her face for even a second. For the past five days, Parvati has been with Amanda, texting Amanda or thinking about Amanda constantly, so the grin is one of genuine elation. 

“That’s good, I’m glad to hear it,” Natalie says.

Parvati takes a long sip of her coffee, waiting for the shoe to drop. Natalie knows her better than most, and she’s positive the woman in front of her will sense that there’s something Parvati isn’t saying.

“Okay, who was it?” Natalie asks with a huff.

“What are you talking about?” Parvati replies innocently. 

“Oh, come on, you’re practically glowing and I’m actually scared about how hard you’re smiling!” Natalie rolls her eyes. “You obviously got laid, so who was it?”

Parvati blushes. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me,” Natalie says. 

“After the reunion, I tried to bolt, but Amanda stopped me,” Parvati divulges and she smiles when Natalie’s jaw drops. “I didn’t want to go home, she took me back to her place, we went until the sun came up, you know how it goes.”

“Oh my God!” Natalie squeals before an elderly woman nearby shushes her. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not,” Parvati defends with a bashful smile. “She, um… She told me she loved me.”

“She did _what_? Oh, man.” Natalie sinks her head in her hands, thoroughly boggled by the news. “Actually, wait, why am I surprised? We all knew she was into you. I bet she was hurt when you shot her down, though.”

“I, uh- I didn’t shoot her down,” Parvati says. “I said it back.”

Natalie’s eyes widen like saucers. “So you two are-”

“Dating, I think,” Parvati finishes for her. “Crazy, right?”

“Not at all, you two are perfect for each other. You were always two peas anyway.” Natalie reaches a hand over the table to hold Parvati’s. “Plus, I bet the sex was good, huh?”

“Nat, you have no idea,” Parvati divulges, cheeks flushing red. 

“Wow, Parvati Shallow is embarrassed talking about sex!” Natalie whisper-shouts. “Seriously though, I’m really happy for you two. I better be the maid of honor at that wedding.”

Parvati scolds her for talking that way so soon, but secretly, Parvati lets her mind wander to what a wedding would look like. Standing at the altar while Amanda walks down the aisle in a gorgeous ball gown. Parvati is sure that the younger woman would braid flowers into her hair, and now she’s thinking about rings and venues and color schemes but none of it feels foreign or rushed, it feels like Parvati is finally living. 

_Oh wow_ , she realizes, _I know where to go from here._


End file.
